Getting Hitched

One of my favorite shows on TV is Everybody Loves Raymond. I think I’m one of 5 people in the entire world who think Patricia Heaton’s hot. I remember reading way back when the show first started getting attention that she wanted her character to be a little more “appealing” to the opposite sex. That would have been weird. That’s like saying your Mom’s hot. Good thing it never happened. She’s attractive just the way she is. Anyway, I mention the show because it’s the first thing I think about when I hear someone getting married.

I was chatting with a buddy of mine and he mentions to me that he recently got married and that her wife’s 5 months pregnant. Every time one of my friends get married, my reaction is, and always will be, happiness and shock. Happy for him/her and shocked that one of my friends, especially ones whom I’ve known since grade school, settles down. We went from talking shit to talking babies. I’ve known this guy since we were kids, playing our toys while waiting for our Mom and Dad to pick us up. Now he’s going to be Dad. I just can’t imagine. But God bless him, anyway.

See, I think we should all step back for a second and really think about what we are getting into. That, or just watch a few episodes of …Raymond. You think it’s funny now? Wait until you’ve been married for a few years. When you start arguing about who should take the suitcase, then put blue cheese on it to get back at your wife let me know. When you start thinking that the wife’s got something up her sleeve when she’s too “nice” let me know. Let me know if you still find the show hilarious.

Now, before I get lynched by my wedded or soon to be wedded peoples (as well as general fans of marriage), let me just say that I’m not against marriage. In fact, I truly believe that it is a sacred union between two people that connect and have a strong bond and just love each other. What’s a more powerful way of saying I love you than will you marry me?

(Which got me thinking, which is a more painful way of saying no? Let’s just be friends or not saying I do but some cockamamie excuse? I give the edge to turning the down the marriage offer. At least, the friends line gets you out rather early in the relationship. A couple chocolates here some flowers there won’t break the bank. Turning down a ring? Aye caramba! Not to mention the years spent in the relationship before that point.)

We all know of someone who’s hit the rocks on their marriage. We’ve all met people who’ve contemplated divorce. Yet, what we remember most is the newlyweds’, basking in the 2-year grace period glow of being together. We say ‘aww aren’t they so sweet together’ or ‘gee, I wish we were still that romantic’.

See, I think that there should be a minimum age for getting marred. About 40 sounds right. What better way to celebrate the “next phase of your life” by getting married then? In the meantime, go out and see the world first. Do what you have to do and get it out of your system. I’m sure I’m not the only one with a list like “things to do before I die.” Wouldn’t it be wise to finish off that list before the significant other starts negotiating to trim it down, or lordy lord, alter it altogether to better fit your new couplehood? I’m sure he/she’s not going to go for “#2 make out with a model.” (And if they don’t mind that, then congratulations, you found a keeper. Or a saint)

Maybe I’m jaded because of my surroundings. I know a guy who’s been married for 20 odd years. Today, they’re contemplating divorce and not on speaking terms but live in the same house. His common lament was that they just stopped having fun. When I go to visit my Uncle’s house, him and the mrs. seem to be practicing for a loudest shout competition. It’s so bad that their kids have already blocked them out, screaming serenity now!. Here at work, my co-worker seems to cry every week over his hubby. All without reaching their two-year anniversary. And of course, Ray Barone.

But you know what? It makes sense to me. I’m not ready to pony up the money to buy diapers. You know how much those cost? I’m not ready to put money on the nest egg for a college fund. I’m not ready to get 4 hours of sleep (if I’m lucky) every night because the baby needs to be fed at 3 am. I’m not ready to have a shouting match every week (or day).

Every day, someone out there drops to their knees and asks the magic question. They’ve heard the war stories but still they ask, forgetting everything they heard and basking in the romantic moment. The inevitable line is dropped about loving them forever. The “I do” is said and kisses abound.

They hope to be different. They hope to not be like everyone else. In time, I know that I’ll get on my knees and hope as well.

Just not right now. That or be like Ray.