I Love The 90's!

So I’ve been tagged by Jen to come up with a list of things that I miss about my childhood. HA! I can’t think of anything easier to do, other than finding Paris Hilton’s boobies on the Internet. You’re talking to a guy who swears allegiance to the best decade ever. You’re talking to a guy who can name every cartoon on from 3-5 pm when I was in Grade 4. You’re talking to a guy who still owns a pair of Dr. Martens (alright, I made that last one up).

We’ll skip my formative years (1-9) and focus on the time when I actually had a brain. Yes, that’s the one the only

The Rockin’ 90’s.

If I had my way, this would be a 5,000 word column about the joys of 90’s Rock and make a 10,000 word column on why cartoons where way better before than now. As it is , us living in the 21^st centur have short attention spans so I’ll give my short version of the 5 things I miss in no particular order.

1. The Music.

This is too easy. Name me one classic rock tune to come out last year. Something that radio stations will be playing when I’m 30 and have 2 kids. That’s right. None of them. A disturbing trend, to be sure. Yet right now, rock radio continues to spin Nirvana’s Smells Like Teen Spirit, Pearl Jam’s Alive, Jeremy, Even flow triumvirate even when they’ve released 5 albums after the first one. Nine Inch Nail’s Closer, even when Reznor’s made 3 albums and gone through 20 band members. Red Hot Chili Peppers Under The Bridge. That’s not counting Hip-Hop stations still mixing in some California Love, Juicy, and Nothin’ But A G Thang. Pop radio’s Madonna fixation. Britney, Britney, Britney pre-pregnancy and pre-hick husband. Dave Matthews Band’s Crash. The only person in this decade that has a chance to become timeless is Kanye West. Where halfway there so there is still time.

But I’m not going to rag on today’s music too much since the technology and sound has improved. I’ll give it that. It’s just that the quality of tunes has steadily dropped. Sad.

2. The Cartoons.

This is another sore spot. I love cartoons. The Simpsons doesn’t count since that show doesn’t look like it’s going to end. But everything sucks. Justice League had a chance but they fell into the same trouble that the comic got into. They diverted away from the original 7 and kept adding more and more and more until the great chemistry between the 7 was gone. Everyone was fighting for air time. It’s ridiculous. Who cares about the Booster Gold and Blue Beetle? That was a bad idea in the comic, why repeat it? And the thing that really gets on my nerves about that show; Green Lantern is black. WTF? Now, granted, the Green Lantern in the show is a legit character. There really is a black Green Lantern BUT HE WASN'T PART OF THE TEAM AND IS NOT EVEN THE POPULAR ONE! Can you say token? This was terrible. Memo to DC, if you don't to seem like your racist, then you SHOULD HAVE THOUGHT ABOUT THAT 30 YEARS AGO!

This turned into a rant so I’ll just roll off the reasons why cartoons were far superior before: G.I. Joe, Transformers, Mask (not the green guy), Thundercats, Flintstones, Jetsons, Scooby-Doo, Bugs Bunny, Inhumanoids, the Hanna Barbera cartoons, Battle Of The Planets, Shaider, Voltes V, Daimos, Garfield and Friends, Sesame Street, Alvin, Simon, Theodore! Popeye, Denver the Last Dinosaur, The Care Bears, Voltron, He-Man, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, Yogi Bear, Winnie The Pooh….

I guarantee you right now in some channel or some home someone is watching a taped VCR of one of the episodes of one of these shows. None of the cartoons now can hold a candle to these guys. Has there been anything more cheesy and unintentionally funny and timeless as the Public Service Announcements on G.I.Joe?

I’ll spare you the movies since I’m going to make the same argument. And besides, the Sports Guy (the reader asking about Karate Kid) makes a better argument on this topic than I could.

3. Kids Games.

I miss this. More than anything. I’ll trade my video games straight-up for the chance to play Moro-Moro one more time. To refresh your memory, Moro-Moro involves two teams. The more in the team the merrier. Each team picks a base in the playground and they have to defend that base. If someone from the other team touches your base, your team loses. Every kid then runs around trying to lure more defenders out of the base to have a better shot of taking the base. If your caught by the enemy you have to stay on their base as a “prisoner”. To be the catcher or catch-ee depends on how long you’ve stayed away from the base. Someone who just ran out of the base can catch a person who’s been out longer without going back. My favorite part is when every prisoner stretches out and forms a huge line connected to the base to have an easier target for their team to touch the base (coz they’re all connected, see?) Trust me, nothing says unity when 10 kids hold hands and stretch out of the base to have that guy have a shot of touching the base. It’s beautiful and very, very funny to watch. Much more funny than alerting the opposition that your moving to another base (Lipat Base! Lipat Base!) sigh. Those were the days. It also provided an excellent excuse to touch your “crush”. Ah to be young.

4. School

Not the institution, but the people around you. The laughs at the expense of others. Forming bonds and friendship. Meeting great teachers, laughing at funny ones and pissing off the others. Having seat arrangements based on last name, first name, birthday, favorite color. Being moved because you talk too much. Talking through class, sleeping through class, copying homework, cheating on exams. All these things make school so fun. Oh, and I heard you even might learn a thing or two.

5. Innocent and Care Free Life.

Isn’t this what this whole exercise is about? The chance to relive a day when we didn’t have a care in the world.

I had fun. But now, it’s time to come back to reality and face work, bills, and the like. It was great to be diverted for awhile but the sad reality is that those days are gone. Even if I keep harping on the joys of yester-year, today’s not so bad either. So while those days may be over they’re surely not forgotten. Hope this satisfies, Jen.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to finish watching my G.I.Joe DVD.