Diary of a Neo-Gambler

Boy have I got a story for you.

Yesterday, if you’ve been living under a rock or have no care for football, was the AFC and NFC championship games. New England and Pittsburgh. Philadelphia and Atlanta. Seeing as the niners weren’t a part of this party, I put a little something “extra” to make sitting through 7 hours of football a bit more exciting. Anyway what follows is a running diary of both games. I’m not going to take credit for this idea, so click on the link of my favorite writer and sift through the archives. He does these things real well. This is my second crack at this running diary thing so remember, all times pacific, all times accurate to the best of my knowledge, and well, just read on.

10:05am: And we’re coming to you LIVE! From Hayward, CA. I stayed over here for the night to catch a free concert at the restaurant my Aunt works on (it’s free because I stayed in the kitchen. I’m not paying 35 bucks for someone I wouldn’t even pay 100 pesos to watch.) and to talk to my Uncle about betting on the games. He said that I’ve to call in my picks half an hour before the first game.

I’ve just provided an excuse to post my pic with the chick right here. I’ll take guesses on who she is.

10:10: I stand up and found that my cousin hasn’t slept a wink. He’s just been playing playstation and burning half my CD collection while I slept. I’m almost tempted to call the FCC on his ass. I don’t need this the morning before the big games. Might be Bad Karma.

10:20: I’m hungry so I send my pirate cousin to the store to buy some doughnuts. Have to have the doughnuts and coffee before some football. I think I’ve covered this ad nauseum in my Niner Notes on my old blog.

11:00 Pre-game time! I already have a basic idea of who I want to take. I’m getting a little nervous because my Uncle hasn’t called yet and the game starts in an hour.

11:22: This pre-game hype is boring. And uninformative. Just the way I like it. The last thing you need is a feature on one of these shows that actually swings your pick and makes you go the other way after a week of talking yourself into your picks. Like the weather. Or the decision every quarterback has to make in cold weather. Glove or no glove? Honestly, I think wearing gloves on the throwing arm is a 10 point swing in favor of the other team. But that’s just me.

11:25: Since I have nothing to add here, might as well show you my picks:

New England –4
Philadelphia –5

Two favorites with a touchdown or less advantage. No underdogs winning here. Even if one of the underdogs is at home. (MUST-NOT-CHANGE-PICKS!)

11:31: Ok, I’m sweating. He hasn’t called yet and the Atlanta players are already warming up. This is not good.

11:35: Success! He’s called. But there’s a problem with my picks. I can’t make a 2 team tease bet. I’ve to add an over/under! This throws me for a loop half an hour before the game! I ask him what he thinks of the Philly game. He’s going over 37 points. That means, he’s betting that the total of both teams final score is OVER 37. I think for 5 seconds and go with my first thought.

“Let’s do it.”

“Ok and by the way, the Philly line has moved. It’s now 6 points.”

I gulp real hard. “Ok”.

11:41: I’m feeling ok about these picks. I just wish I had more time to study and get a real good feel for going over 37 points. This after Philly is dumped 10 inches of snow on Saturday, the weather is in the teens and the wind chill is even below that. Oh Atlanta has the number one running game. Did I just say one good thing about taking the over? I can’t take this. I grab lunch and order 2 huge burritos for me and my cousin.

11:58: We make it just in time for the start.

12:20pm: End of the first. Philly 7 Atlanta 3. Not good. I need Philly to win by more than 7. I’ll save you the commentary about the game. I’m saving that stuff for later.

1:15: Just before halftime, Philly’s QB Donovan McNabb throws a pass near the end zone that is ALMOST picked off by Atlanta. I mean the defender had that thing in his hands and it just dropped to the ground. I told my cousin: “My $50 just flashed before my eyes.” Let me tell you something. You haven’t lived yet until you put $50 and you come THIS close to blowing it on a dumb pass. Halftime score Philly 14 Atlanta 10.

1:35 Midway through the 3^rd quarter and the game has slowed down after a great start. Score’s now 17-10 Philly. I spot a mini plush football and I just start throwing it with my little cousin Alec. Calms the nerves.

2:10: It’s now 20-10 Philly. 7 more points and I get 2 out of 3! Let’s go Phi lly Let’s Go!

2:45: Eagles in the Atlanta 2 yard line. It’s 3^rd down and goal. Don’t settle for the three points!!! PLEASE!!!! I remember the play like it just happened 5 minutes ago. The call play action and the tight end and full back run out routes to the right. The running back makes a curl at the middle. McNabb fakes the run and throws it to the tight end at the corner of the end ZONE! TOUCHDOWN!!!!!!!

2:47: I haven’t jumped around like an idiot in years. I felt like I caught the pass and scored. Getting two out of three in the first game is pretty close. Philly 27 Atlanta 10. Now all they have to do is hold on for 5 and half more minutes.

3:03: The final kneel down and the coached is dumped some Gatorade. Did I mention it was below 20 degrees? There should be a rule. No dumping of cold liquid on back when the temperature is below 30.

3:15: No sooner do I revel in the euphoria of getting two of my picks right out of three in the first game, do I get thrown a wrench. The line for the New England-Pittsburgh game has changed but I don’t know what because our bookie got in trouble with the wife for losing a bunch of money on Atlanta. Now she won’t let us talk to him and I don’t know what to root for! Is the line 5 points? 4? 6?

3:25: Almost game time and we still can’t get a hold of him. This is no good.

3:28 I’m now approaching hyperventilating mode. I think now is a good time to tell you that I haven’t moved from my spot in the couch except to get up and get water and smoke. I think I need to get some help. But not as bad as the bookie. When the wife gets mad, that’s not good.

3:46: Pittsburgh gets the ball first and the rookie QB throws an interception on his second throw. I’m still not in a good mood because I don’t know what the line is.

3:50: NE goes up 3-0. They could have naked cheerleaders on the side in below 10 degree weather with –16 wind chill and I could care less.

4:15: Pittsburgh fumbles the ball on a 4^th and 1 play. Barely registers.

4:16 Brady throws a 60 yard bomb to Deion Branch. Touchdown! NE up 10-0! Now I feel much better. About the score and that pass. That was sweet.

4:40: Pittsburgh gets a field goal and its now 10-3. My blood pressure quickly shoots back up.

4:45: Now I’m getting ticked off. I have to buy some food for the house before I leave. They want me to leave my spot in a tight game and I don’t even know the line? Remember the money flashing before your eyes? This has got to be bad karma. I make a deal that if NE gets a TD, we’ll leave.

5:02: Brady wide receiver screen to David Givens. TD! 17-3. I grab my stuff and listen to the game on the radio. I figure my luck could hold up for 15 minutes until I get back.

5:20: Me and my cousin were talking about Jay-Z’s old records that I never even notice that Big Ben’s (I’m not even going to begin and spell his last name. I’m not connected on the net right now so I can’t copy-paste) just thrown his second pick, this one returned for TD by Rodney Harrison. I catch the replay when I get back. At the half, 24-3, NE. Amazing. I’m looking real good right now.

5:25: My uncle starts talking about how much I’ll win and when I’ll get it. I’m not even going to mess with my luck and start talking about that. It’s just like talking about what you’ll buy if you win the lottery. It’s hard enough, taking into account the odds of winning, but to talk about winning before the results? Not a good idea.

5:27: I leave Hayward to head back home. My aunt’s tired from a hard day’s work of cooking so I don’t trip. Besides, the scores 24-3. If it were 10-10 I’d stay in the same spot I was for the Philly game. But this was a three TD difference. Against the best team in football, with a rookie QB whose already thrown 2 picks. There’s little sure things in the world but NE with a TD lead is as close as you can get. I’ve already forgotten that I still don’t know what the spread is.

5:55: TD Pittsburgh. It’s now 24-10. No worries. 2 TD lead.

6:06: TD New England. 31-10. Great drive by the champs to answer back. When they’re down, keep them down.

6:15 I can’t believe this. Pittsburgh answers back with another TD just as I pulled up on my driveway. On 4^th down and 5 no less! The scores 31-17 with a quarter and a half to go. They can’t possibly blow this game can they?

6:20. NE goes 3 and out and has to punt. I repeat: They can’t possibly blow this game can they??

6:26: Two big plays b y Pittsburgh to end the quarter and they have 1^st and goal on the New England 4-yard line. Cut to a commercial while I have an aneurysm.

6:27: Now might be a good time to review some of the new commercials that come out on championship week. These are the companies that a.) Can’t afford the millions of dollars to secure a 90 second spot on super bowl weekend and b.) Are trying to get a head start.

The Nike commercial with the masks was pretty cool. Urlacher’s mask was just bad (barbed wire). Mariano Rivera’s was the coolest of them all (guy with the 2 microsope like eyes). Everybody else’s was ok. Set aside the fact that Halloween is a good 9 months away.

The new southwest commercial was hilarious as always. Guy and a girl try to open their car, they eventually try to smash the window only to find out it’s not theirs. My favorite was the concert and a close second was the guy and girl in the meeting room.

6:31 Pittsburgh ends up kicking the FG because they can’t punch it in, 31-20. Right call. But, some food for thought. You’ve just scored 2 TD in a row. You have the best running game in football. You’re down 2 TD’s and you are knocking on the opponents door again. If you decide to go for it and make it a 1 TD game, the home crowd would absolutely go berserk. And I would probably lose all my nails from biting.

6:40: NE just answers back with a FG of its own, 34-20. Back to 2 TD game with 8 minutes to play and suddenly that decision to kick the FG looks really bad right now.

6:42: Big Ben throws his third interception of the game. Game Over.

6:50: Just for insurance, NE scores another TD on a Deion Branch end around. 41-20 NE. That’s for all the people who bet the over on this game. I think it was 34. I’m trying real hard push down my “I win” feelings until the clocks says 00:00. My, potentially, first win and I’m not leaving anything to chance.

7:01: Pitt just gets a garbage time TD. Please let this game end!

7:15: It’s over! You are now reading an entry from a very rich man :)